


Ra-mon

by ModernArt2012



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Prompt 9: "Someone's a Monster And I'm Going to Prove it!", Ramen Monster, Sumigakure Halloween Event 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernArt2012/pseuds/ModernArt2012
Summary: Or, there is no way in hell anyone can eat that much ramen and not be a monster okay? Kiba has his suspicions. Shikamaru thinks Kiba needs to leave it alone. Chouji just wants ramen





	Ra-mon

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a pun- a play on -mon being short for monster and ra- as in the beginning of ramen. So basically, its a play on words, but a ramen monster.

“Kiba, why are we doing this.” Kiba rolls his eyes, because of course Shikamaru wouldn’t think this was necessary. But it was. They, the squishy humans of the Academy, deserved to know if there was a monster in their midst. And given the way adults react to Naruto, it had to be him. (Sakura was a close second, something smelled  _ off _ about her, but not a scary off. More like a “she works in T&I off” which made no sense because Sakura was clearly an Academy student). Kiba wasn’t judging either way. Naruto smelled different too; at first Kiba’s instincts growled about  _ danger _ but the only thing really dangerous about him was his appetite. For ramen. Nothing short of a  _ monster _ could eat that much ramen in a single sitting, let alone one day. And Kiba had put together a crack team of investigators to investigate if Naruto was actually a bottomless ramen-eating monster.

 

“Because, like I explained earlier, there is no way there isn’t something un-natural about Naruto.” Kiba squints at the curtain for Ichiraku Ramen, where their target is ensconced. To go in or not to go in? That was the question. “No one can have that much ramen and not be a monster. Not even Chouji can have that much ramen in one sitting.” Akamaru remains trained on Naruto, his gaze the patient watchful gaze of an apex predator, even as Kiba watches around the stand, just in case there was a situation they had to flee from. Like Mom, wondering why he wasn’t home giving Akamaru a bath like he was supposed to. That’s why they were such a good team, they watched each others backs. 

 

Chouji inspects his potato chip before crunching it down. “It’s true. I’ve tried.” 

 

Shikamaru sighs exasperatedly. “Such a pain.” Whatever, at least Kiba is trying to be a good shinobi (in training!) and keep an eye on a prospective threat to the peace and happiness of Konoha. What if the ramen stands had to close and the instant ramen ran out all at once and then Naruto rampaged? They need to be prepared for the fallout. Would it be a normal human rampage or a wild crazed monster attack? After the Kyuubi attack, Kiba isn’t sure Konoha could handle another monster attack. 

 

“Have you ever thought that maybe Naruto just needs the energy since he practices all the time?” Shikamaru stretches like a cat in a puddle of sunlight before tucking his arms behind his head. 

 

“He’s dead-last in class.” Kiba scowls. Shikamaru, what are you doing that you didn’t even know that much? Naruto, the lowest ranked in the class, but who yelled about becoming Hokage, the most powerful shinobi in Konoha, when he couldn’t even make a clone right. 

 

“He’s dead-last in grades. But he’s not too bad at kunai throwing or shuriken throwing, or taijutsu. Not a prodigy, or even middle of the pack, but not bad. Sloppy, yes, but the teachers beyond Iruka-sensei aren’t trying to help him improve.” Shikamaru opens one of his closed eyes. “He’s also not a clan kid. Naruto’s an orphan and has to do everything himself. Think about how bad you’d be if you didn’t have your mom and sister and clan to help you learn. So Naruto practices a lot. Alone.”

 

Kiba has to concede the point. Stupid genius Naras. “Come on, he’s leaving.” Kiba started stealthily creeping after  Naruto, who was walking around in his orange jumpsuit without a care in the world. 

 

“But you said we’d be getting ramen.” Chouji whines disheartened as they stalk Naruto through the streets. Kiba shushes him. It’s like Chouji doesn’t know the meaning of stealth, even though he’s a ninja! Though it might be because Akamichi are usually front-line fighters rather than infiltration specialists.....

 

“Chouji, Kiba said we  _ might _ get ramen.” Okay, Kiba  _ knows _ Shikamaru knows the definition of stealth. Knows the meaning and at least ten ways to use stealth to achieve various goals or mission parameters in the field. The deer-spawn is doing this just to mess with him and his self-assigned mission, Kiba knows it. Goddamned prey animals. Akamaru woofs quietly from within Kiba’s hood in agreement. Too bad Mom wouldn’t let them chase Nara and their stupid spindly deer just to remind them who’s boss. Sometimes, they deserved it. 

 

“Awww,” Chouji groans. “At least I brought more potato chips.” The sound of the bag opening is loud in the mostly empty streets. Akamaru growls annoyed from on top of Kiba’s head, maybe he should have brought Shino. Shino would have more stealthy skills, but he was so serious. It was a tradeoff.... 

 

“Is he buying more ramen?” The convenience store was prominently displaying a sale on instant ramen, but it was in the sketchy area of town down by the Red Light District everyone in the Hokage Tower pretended didn’t exist. “Chouji, go in there and see.”

 

Chouji balks, “Uh, that store is a little....” Kiba sympathizes, he really does, but Chouji is the only one who can do this. Neither he nor Shikamaru have any reason to go into a convenience store unless their mom has sent them, especially one this far from their respective houses.

 

“Come on, you’ve never been in that store yet have you? What if they have a rare flavor of snack you’ve never tried before?” Chouji is still hesitant, oh hell. If rare snacks wasn’t going to budge him, then Kiba would have to bring out the big guns - he’ll have to start saying to treat Chouji to yaki-niku, or do extra chores. If he cleans out the puppy kennels for all his relatives, maybe -

 

“Hey guys! Whatcha doing out here?” As one they jump. Kiba barely bites back a scream, Chouji doesn’t manage that much. Shikamaru continues to pretend to be bored with the situation, even though Kiba knows he’s been watching with interest this whole time. 

“Nothing much Naruto. What are you doing here?” Thanks for the definitely suspicious save Shikamaru. Glad to have a friend like you. 

 

Thankfully Naruto doesn’t question it, “Just buying groceries. This part of town has the best deals for a tight budget, believe it!” He gestures to the two bulging bags in his hands. “I got enough food for the week, and maybe some extra too! They didn’t even upcharge me too much, believe it!” He smiles like he’s achieved some great victory, and maybe in some sense he has. The Orphan’s Trust didn’t give much, and most shopkeepers tended to treat Naruto badly and charge him a lot. If he didn’t think he lost too much money, then Kiba would believe him. Even then, that was a lot of food for a week. 

 

He sniffed. A lot of  _ ramen _ for a week. For  _ just _ a week. Was there even anything else in there beyond ramen? It slips out before he can stop himself, “How much ramen do you even eat? Are you some sort of ramen monster?”

 

He barely catches the flinch at the word ‘monster’, but Naruto covers it well. “Well, ramen is delicious.” He scratches the back of his head abashedly, smiling broadly. 

 

Shikamaru yawns, “His name is ‘fishcake’; what did you expect Kiba?”

 

“It’s written as ‘maelstrom’, believe it!” Naruto yells at Shikamaru, clearly torn between chasing Shikamaru and dropping his hard-won groceries. 

 

Kiba saves him from a decision by grabbing a bag and yelling, “You are what you eat, Naruto! Therefore you must be a fishcake in ramen!” He and Akamaru bolt in the direction of Naruto’s apartment. Naruto chases after, yelling something indistinct. Kiba’s gonna call it even as far as investigations go, since he needs to be home for dinner. Anyone who only yells about name-teasing rather than knifing people probably isn’t a monster, especially given the fact Naruto has a penchant for smiling and talking rather than knifing. Though the amount of ramen he eats is suspect. Whatever. 


End file.
